Pointing to the Mystery of God

There are certain authors whose works I cherish; when read their descriptions of their own experiences of God, it as though I am praying along with them.  Early on in my “revived” Christian journey I gravitated toward writers like Richard Foster, Evelyn Underhill, Thomas a Kempis and Thomas R. Kelly. Their writings each reflect years of listening to God and responding with obedience.  As I prayed with them, my soul seemed to open up to God. 

Because I am a bookish person, it took me a while to realize that there are certain people that are like that, too.  They also encourage my soul, with a word or gesture.  When I pray with the UMM prayer group, I hear in their voices the years of turning to God, opening self to God in as they lift the concerns of others.  With others, praying one on one, I hear a desire to know God, a desire to understand God’s presence in this world.  These passions are contagious.

I imagine this must have been what it was like for Jesus’ disciples.  When with him, they tapped into Jesus’ relationship with God.  No wonder they asked, Lord teach us to pray.  What are the boundaries within which we can hear the “loving, caring, gentle presence of God” (135)?

Henri points out that Jesus learned obedience through his sufferings and struggles (136).  As the writer of Hebrews points out, although [Jesus] was a Son, he learned obedience through what he suffered (Hebrews 5:8).

I think that’s what I hear in the voices of the authors and the prayer partners I treasure--their struggles to be obedient and listen to God, despite disappointments and experiences of loss.  I hear in their voices the peace of time spent in God’s presence, the quiet certainty of knowing God as loving and caring.  

Their words, their smiles, their tears point beyond themselves. 

That’s who I want to be when I grow up.  

Suffering God

"The pains and struggles of which Jesus became part made him listen more perfectly to God."(p. 136)  Does this mean somehow Jesus grew in his divinity through his willingness to embrace his humanity? 

What does embracing our humanity mean? 

Old Testament theologian Walter Bruggeman, in his book on the Hebrew prophet Jeremiah, indicates that the passage 22:16 : "He cared for the poor and the needy; is not that what it means to know me?" informs us that "It's not just that caring for the needy acquaints you with God, but caring for the needy is God."

So Jesus listens to God (draws closer?) by making our pains and struggles a part of Himself.

Do we draw closer to God by making His pains and struggles a part of us?

Ever use the phrase "I'm only human"?

Maybe we should consider that we, like Jesus are fully human.

Our capability for drawing closer to God may have less to do with our ability to be better and do more than our willingness to take on the suffering of the poor.

We begin to have eternal life when we begin to live eternally.

If God is the center of existence...

...then I am not.

That means that my life is not really mine.  

Which also means that everything I "have" in my life...my wife, my children, my friends, my talents, my body, my soul, my stuff...are not mine.

Which makes me wonder what I really have that's "mine."  And why I spend so much time on all this stuff I thought was mine.

Which draws me toward God in prayer.  And in the study of His word.  Which demand active listening.

Which leads to Jesus.  What He did.  What He said.  Whose "ministry pointed away from himself to the Father who had sent him." (page 134)

Which leads to a life that's not about me.  A life of compassion (i.e. suffering with others).

Which leads to the cross.  The humiliation of facing my sinful nature.  My living as if I were God.  My will.

Which leads to repentance.  And the death of self (ideally).

Which leads to the Father through Christ.

Which means the only thing I appear to have that's "mine, all mine," is eternity with God.  Or the hell of His absence.

That's all.  And, thank God, that's all I need.

"...outside God, nothing is, nothing breathes, nothing moves, and nothing lives." (page 136)

The Chronicles of Nicodemus

On Saturday, Henri Nowen’s meditation involved the actions of Nicodemus. Specifically, he stated that Nicodemus tried to walk both sides of the street by wanting to continue his role of power and influence among the Jewish Pharisees while at the same time being attracted to Jesus. Jesus told Nicodemus that he had to be born again. Nicodemus was very puzzled by Jesus’ answer.

Nicodemus shows up again by speaking up for Jesus when the Pharisees wanted to seize Jesus. His third appearance in scripture is when he and Joseph of Arimathea claim Jesus’ body, prepare it for burial, and put the body in a tomb.

You have to wonder if Nicodemus ever got it. After Jesus’ death, did he become a follower of Jesus? Did he believe in the resurrection?

These questions are addressed in Nelson Price’s wonderful new historical novel titled “The Chronicles of Nicodemus.” This easy to read book is especially appropriate at this Lenten season. After Jesus’ body goes missing, Nicodemus is still trying to put the pieces together. He and Joseph of Arimathea go about interviewing persons who were eyewitnesses to the crucifixion and the resurrection. As the reader journeys along with Nicodemus and Joseph in their search to find answers, they also find their own answer to the question: Is the resurrection of Jesus a miracle of miracles or just a tactical theft?

When you finish this book, you, unlike Nicodemus when he came to see Jesus, will be on one side of the fence or the other.

Alex Zdolshek

Guest post from Reed Stephenson:

Friday was rough.  Many things to do and trying to leave by 3:30.  Need to finish a few slides for presentation... have to add addendum for a contract...

Dang--someone just put meeting on my calendar today for 4:00 p.m.... on a Friday no less.  Landscape guy just called and wants to know why check is not in the mailbox... forgot to do that.  I have a meeting this Saturday... going to miss Pace's soccer game and my tennis--a little bitter right now.

Hard to get any work done during March Madness.  Can watch the basketball games on my laptop now just like I were watching at home.  The mighty VOLs, who were up with 30 seconds to go just lost.  Not a good year for the SEC in basketball this year.

Have company at the house tonight... the house is a mess and I have no food.

I had a supplier come in to talk about plastic bags for 30 minutes--very bad timing.  There are probably 112 other items I should be working on right now.  I greet him in the lobby--he would not even look me in the eye when he shook my hand.  His prices are too high and he knows it.  I have other things to do and he needs to make this quick.

Small talk--"how was your trip"--"weather is nice"--"should be a great weekend"... "my son has been sick"

"Does he have the flu bug that has been going around?"

"No... he has cancer"

In September, Alex was having pain in his hips.  Doctor thought it was "growing pains" or maybe a contusion he suffered while playing little league football... but the pain continued.  After doing a little more research--it was determined that Alex had two cancerous tumors.  Alex is fighting for his life right now.

All this other stuff is simply nonsense.

I try to keep this blog fairly loose and political/religious free.  But we are in the season of Lent-- a period where we all go into a "spiritual wilderness" to try to find that best self, made in the image of God, that lies in each and everyone of us (Dr. Sam Matthews reiterates this at the beginning of every Sunday service).  I would not know Alex if he sat next to me--but, for that one moment, Alex taught me to put away the extra noise going on in my personal and selfish life and to be compassionate.  In the words of Henri Nouwen... "compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery."

The meeting lost all business relevance.  At the end of our time together, I mentioned that I would pray for his son.  I need your help.  Please keep Alex, a 12 year old boy, who months ago was playing basketball and football and is now going through intense chemotherapy, in your prayers.

Reed Stephenson is a member of MFUMC and is currently a participating in Disciple I, plays on the MFUMC basketball team, and recently agreed to engage folks in discipleship opportunities through the Golf Cart Ministry.  You can follow Reed's musing and ruminations through his blog, Life at Jockey Hollow

A Clean Heart for the Church

This week Henri Nouwen returned again to the subject of "A Clean Heart." Usually when we hear this term our mind quickly runs to the need of the individual Christian to recognize their sin and confess the sins to God, thereby obtaining a clean heart.

Until recently, I had not thought about God requiring churches and nations to also have a clean heart. In researching this subject, I found the Bible was full of stories where God asks the nation Israel, cities, and churches (e.g. seven churches of Revelation) to repent of their corporate sin.

Like me, you might ask "For what sins might a church need to ask forgiveness?" We as a church would have to anwer questions such as these "As a church do we love our neighbor; as a church do we help the poor; as a church are we living the Great Commission; and as a church are we a house of prayer?"

God realized that groups of His people would commit corporate sins and would need to corporately ask His forgiveness. In Leviticus chapter 4, God gave instructions for how the nation of Israel should ask for forgiveness if they committed a corporate sin.

The process for a church or nation to to ask for forgiveness and obtain a clean heart is the same as the process for an individual. God's directions for a church or nation to have a clean heart is given in II Chronicles 7:14: "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

As we prepared for communion several Sundays ago, I read the prayer for corporate confession of sin from our United Methodist Hymnal with new meaning. Listen to the words:

“Merciful God, we confess that we have not loved you with our whole heart. We have failed to be an obedient church. We have not done your will, we have broken your law, we have rebelled against your love, we have not loved our neighbors, and we have not heard the cry of the needy. Forgive us, we pray. Free us for joyful obedience through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

As we prepare to take the Lord's Supper together before Easter, I encourage you to join me as we read this prayer and earnestly seek together a church with a clean heart.

Participants, supporters, skeptics, opponents

Saturday's reading reminds me of the ways I find myself lukewarm to the Gospel. Sometimes I'm so confounded by those who seem opposed to Chirst's message, I fail to partcipate fully in it the way I should. Sometimes I find myself affirming the idea of the way of Christ without really taking on any of the burdens of it. Keeping it real? Some of that stuff Christ talked about: I'm like...really? At other times, I'm so intent on supporting others in their opportunties to develop their spirituality more fully, that I neglect to find my own authentic place in the community of faith.

I suppose, like Nicodemus(p.124), it's as much about my fear of giving up my control of my standing and my own destiny as it is about my spates of unbelief or my general laziness.

Oh, I'm lazy. My theology's probably pretty weak, too.

But it's the vulnerability and the humiliation that growing toward the cross requires that keeps me so far from it.

Unfathomable mercy

Today’s devotional prayer astounds me with its beauty and comfort. I found myself reading it again and again, and I think I will come back to it each day for the rest of Lent. It’s a little longer than the others so I’ll focus on a few passages that really touched me. It starts this way:

O Lord Jesus Christ,
you who forgave the sins of the paralytic
before you let him in again,
I pray that this Lenten period
may make me more aware of your forgiving presence in my life
and less concerned about performing well in the eyes of my world.

It’s such a simple notion; glorifying Christ for his forgiveness and mercy while asking Him to train our attention on His ways instead of ours. But it’s so hard to do this in day to day life, with work and family and everything else tugging at us. These words are the perfect reminder for us to focus on what matters.

After a few lines, the prayer continues:

Take away the many fears, suspicions and doubts
by which I prevent you from being my Lord
and give me the courage and freedom
to appear naked and vulnerable
in the light of your presence
confident in your unfathomable mercy.

I really am my own worst enemy, aren’t I? Why should I, a follower of Christ, be fearful, but yet I am. Do others doubt at times like I do? It’s freeing to know that God forgives all this and much, much more. His mercy gives confidence – I’ve never thought about it that way, but it does.

The prayer goes on in that same vein:

I know how great my resistance is,
how quickly I choose the darkness instead of the light.
But I also know that you keep calling me into the light,
where I can see not only my sins
but your gracious face as well.

What gorgeous imagery, of God calling us into the light and allowing us to glimpse his face.
The prayer ends simply and gracefully:

Be with me every hour of my days.
Praise and glory to you, now and forever. Amen.

Let go and let God

In my work as an addiction treatment provider, I am aware each day that patients and their families are hurting, scared, lonely, and feel very vulnerable when it comes to what treatment requires to get well, that is, stopping the use of alcohol and other drugs (for the alcoholic/addict) or stopping trying to control the alcoholic/addict (for the family member). We also let them know that they have to change many of their associates and they have to change their attitude and lifestyle as well - a big order. We point them towards coming to believe that a "Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." A loving God will be there to catch us and embrace us and guide us as we let go of trying to control something we cannot control - our addiction. Today's reading, A Clean Heart, illustrates this process beautifully. Whether we are recovering from addiction, the effects of someone else's addiction on us, or from any one of those life experiences that cause suffering in our hearts and souls, God is always, always, going to be there to catch us when we let go and surrender to him. That's a good thing.

From [In Competition] Toward [In Love]

"Our competition with God" (p. 108) is a concept that hit me rather flush because it's one of those things I didn't think I did until somebody wrote it in the sand.  And then...Wow.

Blunt force trauma from Henri Nouwen.

It would be foolish to think we can compete with God.  In being right about things.  In not doing any of the wrong stuff.  In being the right person, of having good theological understanding, or of having the right vision.  But the more I think about it...Wow.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer had a piece about [falling in love with those around you] vs. [falling in love with your personal vision of community].  One creates community wherever you go and the other kills community wherever you are.  [pick one].

As I sometimes struggle with my vision of my personal relationship with Christ and how I sometimes sin in my competition with God; I realize what sustains me is your relationship with Christ.  Your prayers for me.  Your presence with God.  Your willingness to be the place where "God's Spirit who prays" (p. 110) for me is what leads me to fall in love with God again.

So my willingness to fall in love with those around me--to be fully present with those who come into my office, sit at my kitchen table, walk with me to Subway for lunch, or hold my hand while we pray--is what sustains them during their times of struggle?

Wow.

What Is in Our Heart?

Sunday’s meditation from Henri Nouwen’s book was titled “The Seclusion of Our Heart.” The scripture passage in the meditation was from I Samuel 16:7 and pointed out that God doesn’t look at appearances but at the heart.

The heart, as generally used in the Bible, refers to the rational and emotional elements of man’s soul. The heart contains our true character. It reflects our true innermost self. That means God looks straight into our true self and knows who we really are.

If God looked into my heart, I wonder what he would find. I would hope that he would find a large part of my heart filled with love, joy, goodness, faith, knowledge, peace, kindness, and gentleness.

However, I know there are dark parts of my heart where He would find evil thoughts and other things I don’t want to admit. I would like to keep them secluded, but I know that God already knows about them.

Nouwen suggests that “Solitude is the furnace of transformation.” As I seek the face of God in quite solitude and prayer, the Holy Spirit reminds me of the dark parts of my heart that need to be transformed.

We are commanded in Roman 12:2 to “be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” God wants to transform us into the image of His son. Unfortunately, I do not have a choice as to whether I want to hold on to my dark side or not. God wants to renew my heart.

As I face the dark side of my heart, like David, all I can do is say:

Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Lord, show me the way to a clean heart!

To trust that you are loved

This morning reading Nouwen describe faith as trusting that you are already loved (p 105) was an interesting experience.  

If you ask me, "Does God love us unconditionally?"  I would say, "With out a doubt."  But if asked do I truly believe it...if asked how I lived that love...it is much harder.  

What would I do with my life if I didn't spend so much time proving that I am worth loving.  All of my positions, all of my titles, all of my degrees, all of my stuff is wrapped up in proving to the world that I am good enough to love.  It seems to me that it is much easier to work for God's love then to believe that we are already loved and live into it.  

What would life look like if we really bought into God's unconditional love.  What would life look like lived with out the anxiety and fear that we are not worth being loved?  

Yesterday my daughter and I were playing a game we play in our family.  It is the "I love you more" game.  I love you more...No I love you more...I love you the mostest...I love you more then that...I love you infinity...I love you infinity on top of that...I love you the most ever...and then my daughter said..."Nauh, not as much as God loves me."  I said, "Well that is easy for God.  God is made out of love."  She said, "Really?  I like that."  I am thankful that my daughter knows the love of God, and feels comfortable with it.  I hope she never looses that.

Still looking for the way

In seeking God's will for me, I have had to look at some hidden parts of my heart that are hard to look at. However, it is in looking there that I also find I am not alone; God is there to help me be a better person, to do the right thing next time, and to show me that I have others in my life to show me the way. I'm on my way now to have Sam show me the way. Thank you Sam. Thank you God.

I think I'm starting to get the message

I have fallen away from reading our daily devotions. My life became too busy to allocate the time. But, as I spend some time catching up on several days reading at once, I think it’s coming together.
First, no matter how many times we stray, we are welcomed back to Jesus and our God – unconditionally. Second, silent listening is the only way to hear what is intended for our life. Third, the world doesn’t want us to hear. Forth, it will always be a struggle to be still and listen unless we are still and listen. It’s becoming clearer to me what I need to do to be closer to God. I need to be quite. Our prayer for Saturday of the third week in Lent on pages 100 & 101 is where I am in my journey.

Brave New Swirl

In as much as the church is a body of transformation, and conversion is a vital part of that process; I often speak to folks about how to be more faithful to the transformation.  How can we be more mindful of the conversions?  How can we encourage our community to deepen its commitment to growing in transformation into Christ-likeness?

I've become so consumed by it that I tracked down a list from the Harvard Business Review on transformation theory.  It has several steps.  They are secular primarily, so I converted them to our more spiritual understanding of the process.  "Change of heart", "inner experience of oneness", "the mystery of God's life within us" (p.99), and the classic terms such as "surrender", "detachment", "compassion", and "forgiveness" instead of "develop a sense of urgency", "develop a powerful coalition", "empower others in short term wins".  

The Harvard Business Review numbers its list.  Does this mean the process is linear?  The more I talk to folks about their experiences of transformation in the church, the more I understand that it doesn't work that way.

So from Church Street to Wall Street: maybe it's not a linear process.  Perhaps the "poverty, pain, struggle, anguish, agony, and even inner darkness" (p. 100) that continue to be a part of our experience is because our conversion, our submission, our compassion and our forgiveness swirl around back and forth.  Once we go through all the steps we aren't done with them.  We go back.  And forth.  And back.  And forth.

We revisit God's claim on our child when he was 3 months old when at 18 he let's us know that he's just not into church anymore.

We remember our submission to God's love for us when we find ourselves overcommitted and burned out and we don't have any love or anything else to offer ourselves or anybody else.

We go back to God's forgiveness when our spouse says: "I can't live this way anymore."

Our first reaction might not be: "But I'm transformed!"

Sometimes the best we can do is swirl back around.

Sunday School Answers

"Poverty, pain, struggle, anguish, agony, and even inner darkness may continue to be part of our experience...But life is no longer boring, resentful, depressing, or lonely because we have come to know that everything that happens is part of our way to the house of the Father." (page 100)

This sounds like a Sunday School answer to me.

A Sunday School answer is an answer that, on the surface, is correct, but completely fails to connect with the human experience.

Sure, "Everything happens for a reason."

Sure, "It'll all work out in the end."

But I have a hard time thinking that the Stephen Curtis Chapman family doesn't continue to experience depression, anger and loneliness with every little reminder of the loss of their daughter.  Sure they love and trust God.  But there's still anger and hurt and unanswerable questions.

Why has a movement (and book) like Anne Jackson's Mad Church Disease struck such a chord with so many ministers and church workers who are admitting they are burned out, ill and depressed?  Sure they love and trust God.  But there's still loneliness.

As Christians, we face a dilemma.  

We have faith in God.  We know "that everything that happens is part of our way to the house of the Father."  But we still feel lonely.  We still get depressed.  We still harbor resentment.  And, as "good Christians," we're led to believe we're not supposed to feel these things.  Sentences like Nouwen's can feed this belief.

So we have to take a big risk in sharing our struggles.  And are typically met with Sunday School answers.  Or, we must hide what we really feel and pretend everything is okay.  Which means we offer Sunday School answers to those taking a risk with us.

As I understand it, a key freedom in a functional family is the ability to feel whatever you feel and honestly express it.  No "supposed to."  No "should."  Let whatever it is be what it is.

Why is this so hard to do within the Church (i.e. Christian body, not MFUMC)?  Are we a dysfunctional family whose members continue to play out assigned roles?

How did today's piece resonate with you?  Do you sense this struggle within the Church or did I completely miss the point?

No Sunday School answers, please.

Thankslisting as a Spiritual Discipline

Spiritual Discipline: A concentrated effort to create space…where obedient listening can take place.

This week we’ll read Psalm 107 in worship, and in preparing the pastoral prayer, I have been praying this Psalm.  My study Bible points out that the opening verses describe God’s people as gathered from the 4 corners of the earth, east, west, south and north; the Psalm then describes four situations of affliction, suggesting that all of us, no matter which corner of the earth we live in, will have a time of suffering.  Yet in every situation, the people cry out to the Lord from their distress. They are answered and they offer thanksgiving.

When I started praying this Psalm, early in the week, I reasoned that if the Psalmist could offer thanksgiving coming out of every situation, this week, I too should be offering thanksgiving.  So I set about on a discipline of giving thanks.  During morning prayer, I have been writing a list of things for which I am thankful.

Early in the week it was easy to list things for which I am thankful: 

• healthy family, 
• pleasant home,
• reliable car, 
• parents who live nearby, 
• sister who makes me laugh when I check facebook.
  

But as the week progressed, adding to the list began to take work.  Once all the “obvious” items were listed I needed to concentrate and get creative.  My list becomes one in which details make for precious moments: 

• son who lets me hug him when he leaves for school, 
• other son who doesn’t complain of busy-ness to do but instead lets me jabber on the phone to him, 
• puppy who looks at me like I’m crazy when I sing a hymn during morning prayer, 
• husband who tells me he is proud of me, 
• the words “I’m glad you’re here”, 
• the friend who stretches out arms for a hug when we meet in the hall, 
• the email “I’m praying for you”, 
• the hospital patient who doesn’t let go but keeps holding my hand long after our prayer has ended.
  

The inner mathematician demands that I review the definition…are all the conditions met?  Spiritual Discipline: A concentrated effort to create space…where obedient listening can take place.

Concentration, check, the list takes more concentration as every day passes.  

Listening, check, both while writing the list and throughout the rest of the day.  I feel more aware of those around me, listening in a new way to them. 

Obedience…there’s a sense of obedience—not simply checking off a literal obedience to Biblical commands to give thanks—but that something more is going on.  In the awareness of others around me, and giving thanks for what makes them unique, I am learning to love them in new ways.  

As I make the list, and pause, struggling to name another moment, there’s a space being created.  Who else, Lord?  Who else do you want me to see in new ways?  Who else do you want me to give thanks for?  

Slow me down, Lord

Slow me down, Lord. Help me to listen.

Note to Self

Maybe I should say less and do more.

And, in doing more, I can overcome the fear that tells me to live less (i.e. safe).

Maybe saintliness is living at the edge of our faith.

Nouwen's Life-Giving Memory connected.  I hope you read it.

Pass It On

In the scripture reading, Deut. 4:9, I heard God tell me to pass on what I have learned that is of value. Nouwen speaks of saints living without division between words and actions. It appears that I am not a saint. I have learned that God speaks to me when I listen, and that by reading scripture it helps me to live my life in a better way. I intend to pass that on to my children and to my children's children when I am blessed with those - and to anyone else who cares to hear what I have learned that I see as valuable.